I mean, thank god for Autostraddle for many reasons, but today I am thanking the gods of the internet and my friend Ary (who is not only a beautiful person, but also a beautiful writer) for pointing me towards Autostraddle's "10 Tap Games for iPhone, Rated By Their Inevitably Fleeting Relief of My Low-Grade Depression."
If that's not a bait title for this Gentle Gamer, I don't know what is.
You can see it in full here, but I especially recommend Tap Tap Fish (which Ary has already downloaded and is playing probably right now):
AbyssRium (aka “Tap Tap Fish”)
A very aesthetically satisfying game, the gameplay seems designed to be pleasing and relaxing; it’s a nice break from all the frenzied hyperspeed apps. You are the proprieter of a lump of coral in the middle of the ocean, and are tapping to raise enough energy to support adding various sea life to the ecosystem of the coral. You’re also literally in an abyss, if that’s thematically appealing to you. The music is pretty soothing, so even if you never want to click or tap on anything, you can put headphones on and watch your tiny digitally rendered fish swim about in their preprogrammed paths that sometimes take them directly through rocks or coral in an engagingly glitchy way, that’s fine too. Maybe the only downside of this game is how badly it wants you to take screenshots of your fish and send them in to the app designers to be posted on their instagram. What do you want with my imaginary fish, Big Data? Get your own fish. These are mine.
It was rated five out of five upside-down smiley emojis.
God bless Autostraddle.